Ford building
I heard the phone slam down in the boss’ office across the hall. “Slagel’s hinging!” he bellowed. “Shit!” After the sound of his fist pounding his desk one, big time, I heard the sound of his frenzied typing, then I heard his rushed footsteps coming my way. I cringed.
The door frame of my office filled with him. He pointed at me, shouted, “You!” Then he leaned out the door to holler at the admin, “I need you to book Wondergirl in here, on the next flight to Chicago. I’ve sent you all the details via e-mail. Do it yesterday, pleazzze! “
He leaned back into my office, pointed at me again, bellowed again, the wind of him swaying me like a reed, “Check your e-mail now! “
I swayed back. “Already did, Tony,” I said.
“Print it…”
“Already did, Tony.”
“Read it on the way. You’re going straight to the airport. You’ll stay in Chicago and hold Slagel’s hand until he comes around, however long that takes. Expense any clothes and sundries you buy there. Got it?”
“I do, Tony,” I said, stuffing the last of the files and laptop cords and batteries and all into the laptop case.
“We need this account, Lyn,” he said.
“I’m on it,” I said. I swung the laptop over my shoulder, grabbed my purse, and extended my hand.
“Well alright,” he said, pleased. He gave me a firm handshake and patted my shoulder.
I gave him a wink and headed out the door.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
I sat in the back of the cab on the way to the airport wondering if this might be similar to birth. You’re lounging peacefully in Nothingness, when some higher being blusters in and shouts, “Alright, you’re up next! C’mon, c’mon, c’mon! Get a move on! No, there’s no time to pack clothes! You’re up next, you’re on, now! ” And you pop out in Chicago, or wherever, naked and pissed.
You’re slimy, with nothing, no idea how you got here or where you’re going. Pretty soon some tall people fill you in on all that and then some (they sure do have some weird ideas). But you trust them. They’re older than dirt, they must have a clue. You go to school. You’re sitting in a puddle of angst when the tall people bluster in and shout, “What are you going to do with your life?”
This is when you realize they don’t have all the answers.
“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon! Decide!”
“Huh? Ahhhh…”
This is when you realize, neither do you.
This is when you begin to learn to fake it.
Soon, you solidify the fake and learn to add a wink to it.
Et voila! It’s like you really do know what you’re doing.
Fini
The Essence of a Thing 
NOTE:
The post “Flying blind…” was deleted in error, and recreated. Some of the original 11 comments were irretrievable. Here’s what remains:
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PASCHAL re: Flying blind 2/5/09
Hey, girl: enjoy the comments, like a coffee break: don’t hassle yourself to respond, while the Austin wayfarers fare wayly. (Would they were Waylon Jennings waying farely.)
Love the birth musings. I like the idea of “Chicago, Naked and Pissed” as a subtitle.
Faking is nothing but skiing on your ass. It’s still skiing, ya know. Love/out.
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MISS A re: Flying blind 2/6/09 @ 11:09am
Mmmm, tastes smooth, like Dunkin Donuts’ coffee : ) But I’d say it feels more like the great JC wayfaring strangely, strangely and wildly as he did through this land of woe, traveling over Jordan by way of Chicago, naked and pissed. Haha, I love the subtitle idea! So I’ve incorporated it and will pretend it was my idea even though this whole interaction was recorded for quality purposes and reveals the true facts : ) True facts like nowhere in the definition of “ski” is ass mentioned ;-)
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ANNO re: Flying blind 2/6/09 @ 4:19pm
We’re all faking it, some with a wink, some with a prayer, and some of us with knuckles tightly clenched around the steering wheel.
Wish your own wings were taking you someplace more like Dubrovnik or Majorca than gray skies of the windy city. There’s promise of sunshine in the forecast — hope you get to see some! Looking forward to your return
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MISS A A re: Flying blind 2/6/09 @ 11:42pm
Ah, yes, you’re another who knows! It’s the ones who have fooled themselves that worry me.
I do thank you for your Majorca thoughts : ) Hopefully, it’ll be close to like I never left the construction site. If the ghost writer I hired does her job, you won’t notice much different…
…one more line of BS outta me and I’d worry me ;-)
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DHARMABUM re: Flying blind 2/7/09
what a dig, that! i know exactly what you’re talking about, because it happened with me during the very first stint – here i was, fresh out of a college education that i had completely wasted, in true bum style – and did it come as a shock! i put up a brave face for a while, did not try to place a moral stance to it – if you know what i mean. i felt i had to do it, and continued doing it – i just ‘was’, so to say.
i didn’t last much though – just a little more than a year, and i knew i was getting tired of pretending. i knew some bit of it was going to be the same, no matter where i went, but i still was getting quite suffocated with all the put up stuff. and then one day, i kicked the job. didn’t think twice.
life took me through a roller coaster of sorts – varied experiences – back in, back out of the corporate world. i had almost made up my mind that it was the way to be, until i stumbled upon what i am now blessed to be involved in, entirely by accident. i say that because i didn’t put in much of an effort. neither did i think much of it when i joined in, but ir showed me that it was indeed possible, if not to eliminate but to minimize the levels of pretence. and i haven’t looked back, not in the last 3 years atleast. without being overtly proud about it, i can say i have been more than lucky.
loved this post, specially the reference to birth and conditioning – brilliant, as always
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MISS A
LOL! This is such fun to hear, Bum! I wouldn’t have thought you’d have put up with the big corporate fake for one full day. But one year is like one day as fast as the world’s spinning these days ; ) So then, you’re wise, Bum, to only have bought into for a day! I went the long run midway into the burnout zone. That shit’s hard on a person.
And this stumbling business, I love it when that kind of happy surprise happens. While I’m working this stint I’ve got going now, I’m hoping, when I’m not looking, when I least expect it, I’m going to stumble into just the right thing, or my right livelihood as I like to put it : )
I’m pleased that you enjoyed this so much : )
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PRESENT re: Flying blind 2/7/09
Yeah Miss A,
Funny! Love this line. “And you pop out in Chicago, or wherever, naked and pissed.”
I picture the queue to re-birth – headed down/over/across… wherever, for another grateful yet pathetic go at it…damn!
I’ve heard of, “Fake it till you make it” and add for myself, “or at leat until I can come up with a believable cover to buy”!
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MISS A
Well, I like your line “another grateful yet pathetic go at it” because I tell you I feel tired like my soul’s been dropped into a body that’s been recycled one too many times. I’m beginning to resemble something else altogether! ;-)
Glad, you had fun with this, Ms. Present : )
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DEVIL MOOD re: Flying blind 2/7/09
I like the comparison, both seem traumatic enough. I guess I’m still learning how to fake it and wink. Not sure about that part yet. ;-)
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MISS A
Traumatic indeed! I’ve always hated being being rushed…it probably all started at birth >:-(
About the fake and the wink, forget it. Maybe you won’t need either of them. I hope you don’t : )
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BASS re: Flying blind 2/7/09
We all make up stories, faking our way through our daily lives, acting like we know what’s coming next. Shakespeare was an even bigger faker; he even made up stories about OTHER peoples lives. I like it.
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MISS A
Natural born storytellers! Mickey and Mallory go cross-country on a fiction spree. I guess I’d take Shakespeare over Tarantino, though. I’d sleep easier for sure : )
you are a clever wench, you are!!! — i feel reborn at regular intervals these days, finding myself naked and pissed, but it takes so much effort to keep it all perpetuating — especially when i’ve got such a load of masks that i need to keep switching — jeez!!! — i quite like the smooth segue into the metaphor of queing up for the great anti-climatic rebirth — i’d give you a wink but it would mean getting yet another mask from imeldas closet(one to match each pair of shoes, don’tcha know???) and i’m too tired to search for one just now — so glad you stopped by for a dose of truth, part two — i was by way of missin’ ya!!!!!
DANNI
Ahhh, thank you! Clever gives me hope that this work project hasn’t entirely cut off my connection to creativity. Close, though. But nothing to complain about compared to rebirth and all the pain in the ass perpetuation that goes along with it. I know a little about that in the form of natural tendencies working hard against a person. But, if I’m reading you right these days, I am wildly impressed with this soldiering job you’re doing. I don’t know if I’d be up to it. It’s surprising you’re not more tired that you are! I know a measure of tired. And missing. For that’s why I had to visit you earlier, dear friend : )