Sunday Scribblings: Mind curve – Remembering the future

 

 

I hate my job and I hate that I’m not doing anything about it.  I feel so wimpy, so ineffective.  I’m just dying and watching myself die, just standing on the sidelines!   I don’t know what to do, I feel so trapped.  I’d have to go to college, and I can’t afford that on this minimum wage salary!!!  I’d have to take night classes.  I don’t want to do that!  I’m already whipped when I get home late almost every night!  I can’t see myself leaving work and cramming some fast food down my throat on my way to some community college because I can’t afford to go to a university.  And how long would an engineering degree take on that slow-mo schedule, anyway?!  Jesus, I wish I’d had my shit together when I was a kid, gone to college like I was supposed to when it was on my parents’ tab.  It’s all so huge and hopeless now and it’s my own fault.  God, I am so tired of this life.  Cassie underlined the word tired.  First one line, then two, then she saw herself digging the pen into the paper, watched as anger seized her and spasmodically scratched fat black lines back and forth, up, down, around and around, until the grip of it released her as quickly as it’d come on.  She went limp all around her bones.  Her tears had mixed with the paper and the furious nest of black lines and made a grayish paste in her journal.  She just stared at it.  And then for a reason she wasn’t fully in touch with, she calmly turned to a fresh page in her journal and began writing.  Cassie, you need to snap out of your oblivion.  I’m living the life you chose by not choosing and it’s sheer hell.  And then she took the biggest, fattest marker she could find in her desk drawer and wrote slowly, deliberately, CASSIE WAKE UP!!!!!!!

 

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Why, my brilliant brood,” Mr. Davids was saying, “why, from the standpoint of the fundamental laws of physics, should we not have the same access to the future as we have to the past?”  Mr. D swept the roomful of juniors with his wide, wild eyes.  Cassie smiled shyly and looked down when he got to her.  Mr. D was a young teacher, a little too good-looking, and he was full of it.  He was like watching a stand-up comedian, was everywhere at once with his “out there” ideas and brain-cramping challenges.   Like everyone else, Cassie was down with the entertainment value.  It made physics tolerable.  But he was such a force, the mighty windstorm, and she just a reed.  She doodled in her journal as Mr. D crescendoed, in tune with the exact number of minutes he had before the bell rang.  She began to slip away into her drawing, flowers becoming monsters with blood dripping from their teeth as the daydream progressed from high school to whatever happened after that.  She saw a flash of herself utterly miserable, frustrated, working a shit job. She saw herself cry out.  She snapped to and felt the despair claw her insides, from her brain down.  Mr. D was winding up to leave his charges with a mind-curving thought, “So why, when we act now, do we think we can affect the future only and not the past?”  And there was the bell.  Dude’s a pro, she thought as she made a beeline to Guidance.  Previously utterly passionless, she now had a passion—not to end up suffering a slow, agonizing death in a low-paying dead-end job.  She really didn’t care what she chose.  She was good at math, her counselor had mentioned engineering, so what the hell!

 

Fini

 

Photos above from Getty Images

Click here for more on prompt “#113 – Curve or Curves” from other Sunday Scribblings participants.

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11 responses to “Sunday Scribblings: Mind curve – Remembering the future

  1. That was wonderful. It isn’t just Cassie or anyone trying to make ends meet while studying. Almost all of us go through the same hell everyday and end up making the same resolution at night, that I will change things tomorrow. But then dawns another day and you keep on going through the same routine waiting in a corner, patiently, for something to happen. I wish I could control the past. It would be like the movie “The Butterfly Effect”. And maybe I would end up being more miserable, but I would be content knowing that I tried.

  2. Remembered the future, have you?

    Cassie a boddhisattva, waiting for the rest around her to catch up, so she can move on?

    wide, wildly shy fundamentals,
    slow oblivion beeline,
    whipped in slo-mo,
    cramming Jesus,
    a kid gone limp,
    black lines nesting,
    in tune,
    the exact number,
    just a windstorm:
    the mighty reed.

    [peace/out.]

  3. Woman, do you have a novel written already? Or many? I think you have it in you.
    This is what sunday scribblings should be about (for me). At least this is what I intended in the beginning, to create fiction, but somehow I always fell for the easy/non-creative reflection on the prompt.

    Cassie’s story reminded me of that woman that wrote “Eat Pray Love”, I heard her explaining how she wrote in her journal about her miseries and how a guarding, sweet voice came to get her out of her mess. It was her own voice, one of those voices we have inside our heads.

  4. Hi Drumster, good to see you here! A big Amen, Brother! to your first sentences…as in Man, can I identify! A few years ago I realized my tendency to do the waiting-in-a-corner thing and have only recently begun poking myself with a stick as required…as in You cain’t steer the bus if it ain’t movin’! So far, it’s working fairly well, although this bus is probably only going 48 km/h or so, but hey! it’s moving… Of course I wonder about the concept of affecting the past, too…it’s just not likely, given what we learned growing up… But if you take a movie like The Butterfly Effect and add a dash of quantum theory to it…mmm, it’s like peanut butter bumping into chocolate!
    Glad you liked the Cassie conundrum. Will you be “writing down the bones” anytime soon??? ;-)

    Hey there Paschal! I guess I have. And I guess I am. I’ve sent the signal for another shift…only this time I’ve been more specific! Hoping there’s enough bodhisattva in me like jet fuel to get me there, and then I might just chuck it all and go straight to nirvana ;-)

    Cool skadiddledy-bee-wa, P! Roger that!

    Do you smell kerosene? I think I do…

    No, Ms. Mood, no novel manuscript stashed anywhere! LOL! Thank you, thank you for your vote of confidence :-) I have, however, been meaning to have a little talk with Dave Barry about how it is that he gets paid for some of the wacko, sometimes lame-o, stuff he writes, and see if his people would be willing to set up something with my people. I feel like snippety things are more my style. You do the novely stuff! You know the Fearless piece you did? That was really good stuff. The whole fuss I made over Pepcid was a good thing!
    No small thing that you mention Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert! I adored that book! And that same part jumped out at me, too. I loved that, believe that. It probably affected my past which affected my now!

    Hi Imelda! Yeah, it is circular… It all blends… The present affecting the past which changes the present… Which affects the future… When I was thinking of this whole thing I was doing quite a bit of mental tail-chasing! Glad you liked it. I’ve just begun my SS rounds today and I see your absence, but I did very much enjoy your Magical SoulCollage Slipper on your SoulFragments blog :-)

    danni, awesome! Mission accomplished. Thank you so much for stopping by to take a look! I’ll be making my way to Canada shortly to see what you’ve done with the curve.

  5. Oh you are just impossible, you remember everything, you’re the greatest! Thank you for being such a dedicated blog-friend. It really warms my heart and it means a LOT :)

  6. Well, Devil Mood, it’s like this: you are my oldest, dearest blog friend, for good reason, because somehow your sweet, hopeful, joyous, and kind spirit transcends the “wooden letters of modern messaging systems” as Phish puts it. You have a way that makes people feel comfortable. You give us the good stuff and somehow we just want to give you back even more good stuff! So you see it’s your own fault ;-)

  7. I really like the idea of being able to affect the past, too. I hadn’t thought of that before.

    Does Cassie succeed? I wish it were as easy as flipping a switch, like she seems to have. I really do.

  8. Hey! Whats all this chatter? I’m late to this game ’cause I was starting to write three days ago when this kid from the high school came by selling magazines so she could go to engineering school and then … then there were all these dead bugs all over the floor. weird huh ?

  9. Hi there S! And a raucous rock’n’roll welcome to you!
    The affecting-the-past concept is trippy. It came from snooping ‘round some quantum theory, and the dose of it that went down the smoothest was via the movie, “What The Bleep Do We Know!?” Awesome flick. According to the scientists and quantum physicists interviewed, flipping that switch is easy enough, is a matter of perception as everything seems to be… I don’t get that radical of a shift quite yet, but I’m certainly open to it based on the fact that I’ve seen some far-out stuff go down in my day, so why not?
    I’d written off the whole Cassie thing, but your writing that question down, me seeing it in B&W made me wonder about the poor girl and actually feel bad for her being left like that…maybe she’ll have to be revisited one day!

    Well, hey back, Bass! Was wondering when you’d make it to the Mind Curve chatter with your chatter after being Out on a curve! And on the latter chatter, did you notice Void had the bug-lifetime query going on, too? …and a bunch of other interesting ideas. Great, inquiring minds think alike?

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